Help! My daughter did not get selected to go en pointe!

It’s a big time in a young dancer’s life when she starts pointe.  Different dance schools have different methods of promoting or selecting students to begin pointe.  Some studios place students in a special “first pointe” class where all students get their first pointe shoes together (usually at the beginning or midpoint of the academic year).  Other studios (usually smaller ones) approach students individually or in small groups and allow them to start pointe when they are ready.  This method often results in a class in which some students are en pointe and some are not.  If your daughter is in such a class, she (or you) may feel very disappointed if other students are selected to go en pointe and she is not.

The students who are going en pointe will probably happily share their good news.  They often don’t mean to “rub it in” that they were chosen for pointe when others were not.  Make sure you and your daughter know the difference between innocent news-sharing and malicious teasing before you accuse anyone of leaving her out or making her feel bad.

There is probably a good reason for why your daughter was not selected this go-round.  How old is she?  Is she younger than other students in the class?  What is the studio’s minimum age for putting students en pointe?  How long has she been in this class?  If she’s newer than other students, it will probably take a little longer for her to master the skills necessary for pointe.  Has she had an injury lately?  The teachers may be waiting a little longer to make sure she is completely healed.  How is your daughter’s technique?   She may not be technically or physically strong enough for pointe yet.  Is she emotionally mature?  This is also a necessity for successful pointework.   Your daughter may need a gentle reminder of one or more of these reasons if she feels disappointed or cheated.

If one of these reasons is not obvious to you, it’s ok to ask the teacher.  Make sure you do so kindly (do not accuse her of leaving your daughter out).  Say something like, “I saw the list of students who are starting pointe this year.  When do you think Kelly will be ready for pointe?”  DO NOT insinuate that you think your child is already ready or should also be included this go-round.  If your daughter’s exclusion is an oversight, the teacher will immediately realize it.  If it’s not, she will probably give you a broad, tentative date and possibly a reason for why your daughter isn’t on the list this time.  She might say, “Probably next year.  She needs to strengthen her feet and be able to hold a longer demi-pointe balance.”  If the teacher doesn’t provide specific skills to work on, you can ask what your daughter can focus on improving. 

It is also possible (but highly unlikely) that the teacher will say that your daughter can’t do pointe.  If your daughter has had a severe injury or other physical limitation, the teacher is probably protecting your daughter’s health and safety.  Unfortunately, it is just not safe for some people to be en pointe.  If your daughter is not going en pointe for this reason, check with a doctor and possibly another ballet teacher to see what they think.  Sometimes a special teacher and gentle program can help dancers with injuries succeed en pointe, but this is only possible in some circumstances.  If 2 or more professionals advise against pointe, don’t push it.  Help your daughter transition to another form of dance if being around other students en pointe is too emotionally painful. 

If your daughter is much older than other students in her class or has a developmental disability like down syndrome, the teacher may not feel properly equipped to teach her en pointe.  Some teachers are only familiar with methods for teaching pointe to tween girls with the same abilities.  Beginning pointe is often physically more difficult for students in their late teens or older, and it can be dangerous if a student has trouble understanding instructions.  In these cases, seek out another teacher (and private lessons, if you can).  Some teachers are completely comfortable teaching older teen and adult pointe students.  A student with developmental disabilities can often learn well when given one-on-one attention.  Once you find an instructor willing to work with your daughter, have the teacher evaluate her for pointe readiness and proceed from there.

Whatever the reason, it is important that you as the parent remain calm and logical.  Do not accuse anyone of purposefully excluding your child, and never purchase pointe shoes for your daughter without a teacher’s permission.  Dancers are most successful en pointe if they begin when they are ready and receive support from teachers and parents.