I understand the dilemma: you want your
child to be successful, and that requires parental assistance, but you don't
want to be the insane mom or dad pushing your child too hard. With shows
like Dance Moms on TV, stage parents have become a bit of a
joke. In this guide, I'll provide some general dos and don'ts for helping
your child navigate his or her dance training.
1. Let your child
lead. This one may be obvious, but don't make your child do anything that
he or she is actively rejecting. If your son or daughter loves dance,
keep signing him or her up for classes. If he or she starts to dislike
class, allow room for new activities. It can be disappointing if your
child wants to quit dance, especially if you were or are also a dancer.
It's fine to encourage your child to stick with it, but if it gets to be a huge
issue that has the potential to damage your relationship, let dance go in favor
of a happy, healthy kid.
2. Involve your child in
the administrative process. Rather than just saying, "I
signed you up for dance camp," tell your child, "I saw a poster for
dance camp. Is that something you'd like to attend?" Let your
little one help you fill out the application forms and shop for appropriate
dancewear. If there's an audition for a local ballet, ask your son or
daughter if they want to try out. Explain the audition process, and help
him or her prepare. This not only gives your child a choice of what
activities to do, but it also helps him or her understand various parts of the
dance world. Additionally, it provides plenty of time to get excited and
work out nerves before big events.
3. Understand wants and
needs, and work within your budget. Buy your child what he or she needs
for dance without question--this usually involves dancewear uniforms,
shoes, and dance studio tuition. Children don't need to worry about these
expenses. Even if you can afford a wardrobe of fancy leotards, save
special dancewear for special occasion gifts (birthday, congratulations on
getting a part, etc.). This will help your child learn humility, respect
for rules, and the benefits of working hard. Things like competitions and
private lessons can be expensive, and they can also be super fun and beneficial
to pre-professional training. If your child shows interest in these
things, provide them if you can afford to. Always check in with your
child before signing up for a competition or scheduling a lesson.
These things are usually the first to go if interest in dance starts
waning. If they are not scheduled strictly according to interest,
children can sometimes feel pushed and parents can lose money.
4. Encourage home practice,
but don't make it a strict requirement. Help your child develop a
schedule that makes time for home practice or exercises like stretching.
Provide space that accommodates practice at home (this can be as simple as an
empty corner for stretching or as elaborate as a purchased barre, marley floor,
or tap board--remember to follow your child's interest level and work within
your budget). If your child is supposed to be practicing and is not,
encourage him or her work on dance, but don't threaten punishment. Talk
it out, and be ok with a decision to scale back on dance if that's where things
end up going.
5. Let the teachers do the
teaching (unless you are your child's primary dance teacher--in that case, skip
this section). This can be difficult sometimes, especially if you have
dance expertise. Refrain from correcting your child unless he or she is
in danger of getting injured from doing something incorrectly. Use your
experience to help your child find a good studio that has great teachers who
offer a quality dance education, not to over-coach your child at home. This
often leads to a strained relationship when "mom/dad as a coach"
can't be separated from "mom/dad as a parent."
6. Attend your child's
performances as an audience member, and behave appropriately. Whether
it's a tiny in-studio demonstration or a huge regional ballet, you should
attend every performance your child dances in. (If your child is in a ballet or play with several shows in the run, it's fine to only attend one or two.) While at the show, be a
good audience member. Clap for every section of the performance,
regardless of who is dancing or how well they did, and do not speak or shout.
You may take photos if they are allowed, but don't miss seeing your child's
dancing or block anyone else's view while trying to get the perfect shot.
Do not go backstage or look for your child before the dancers are released to
leave the performance venue.
7. Volunteer or work with
the studio if you wish, but don't overdo it. If the studio allows parents
to get involved (and sometimes earn tuition discounts) by working the front
desk, sewing costumes, cleaning studios, or entertaining young dancers during recitals,
you can absolutely take part. Involved, supportive parents can help a
student's reputation as a hard worker and dedicated dancer. However,
check in with your child before signing up. Some kids feel smothered or
as if their parents are spying on them if they hang around the studio too
much. If you agree that it's a good plan for you to volunteer, take one
or two studio jobs and leave it there. Don't ask to do everything,
especially if other parents are interested. It can be seen as being overly
pushy or unfriendly, and this can damage your family's reputation.
8. Be kind to studio staff,
other parents, and people you meet at dance events. You don't have to be
close friends with everyone, but never make comments insinuating that you dislike
or think you're better than another person. Take pride in your child's
accomplishments, and always report them in a factual way when they are
appropriate to the conversation. Never brag or tear down another dancer
or parent. Thoughtful, kind parents help kids learn to also be thoughtful
and kind. If you have a legitimate issue regarding fairness, morals, or
safety, calmly speak to a studio director in private. Do not discuss the
issue at length with other parents (this could turn into gossiping or ganging
up), and do not approach the subject in a manner that puts other parties on the
defensive.
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