How to be a good dance parent (without being a crazy dance parent)

I understand the dilemma:  you want your child to be successful, and that requires parental assistance, but you don't want to be the insane mom or dad pushing your child too hard.  With shows like Dance Moms on TV, stage parents have become a bit of a joke.  In this guide, I'll provide some general dos and don'ts for helping your child navigate his or her dance training.

1.       Let your child lead.  This one may be obvious, but don't make your child do anything that he or she is actively rejecting.  If your son or daughter loves dance, keep signing him or her up for classes.  If he or she starts to dislike class, allow room for new activities.  It can be disappointing if your child wants to quit dance, especially if you were or are also a dancer.  It's fine to encourage your child to stick with it, but if it gets to be a huge issue that has the potential to damage your relationship, let dance go in favor of a happy, healthy kid.

2.       Involve your child in the administrative process.  Rather than just saying, "I signed you up for dance camp," tell your child, "I saw a poster for dance camp.  Is that something you'd like to attend?"  Let your little one help you fill out the application forms and shop for appropriate dancewear.  If there's an audition for a local ballet, ask your son or daughter if they want to try out.  Explain the audition process, and help him or her prepare.  This not only gives your child a choice of what activities to do, but it also helps him or her understand various parts of the dance world.  Additionally, it provides plenty of time to get excited and work out nerves before big events.

3.       Understand wants and needs, and work within your budget.  Buy your child what he or she needs for dance without question--this usually involves  dancewear uniforms, shoes, and dance studio tuition.  Children don't need to worry about these expenses.  Even if you can afford a wardrobe of fancy leotards, save special dancewear for special occasion gifts (birthday, congratulations on getting a part, etc.).  This will help your child learn humility, respect for rules, and the benefits of working hard.  Things like competitions and private lessons can be expensive, and they can also be super fun and beneficial to pre-professional training.  If your child shows interest in these things, provide them if you can afford to.  Always check in with your child before signing up for a competition or scheduling  a lesson.  These things are usually the first to go if interest in dance starts waning.  If they are not scheduled strictly according to interest, children can sometimes feel pushed and parents can lose money. 

4.       Encourage home practice, but don't make it a strict requirement.  Help your child develop a schedule that makes time for home practice or exercises like stretching.  Provide space that accommodates practice at home (this can be as simple as an empty corner for stretching or as elaborate as a purchased barre, marley floor, or tap board--remember to follow your child's interest level and work within your budget).  If your child is supposed to be practicing and is not, encourage him or her work on dance, but don't threaten punishment.  Talk it out, and be ok with a decision to scale back on dance if that's where things end up going.

5.       Let the teachers do the teaching (unless you are your child's primary dance teacher--in that case, skip this section).  This can be difficult sometimes, especially if you have dance expertise.  Refrain from correcting your child unless he or she is in danger of getting injured from doing something incorrectly.  Use your experience to help your child find a good studio that has great teachers who offer a quality dance education, not to over-coach your child at home.  This often leads to a strained relationship when "mom/dad as a coach" can't be separated from "mom/dad as a parent."

6.       Attend your child's performances as an audience member, and behave appropriately.  Whether it's a tiny in-studio demonstration or a huge regional ballet, you should attend every performance your child dances in.  (If your child is in a ballet or play with several shows in the run, it's fine to only attend one or two.)  While at the show, be a good audience member.  Clap for every section of the performance, regardless of who is dancing or how well they did, and do not speak or shout.  You may take photos if they are allowed, but don't miss seeing your child's dancing or block anyone else's view while trying to get the perfect shot.  Do not go backstage or look for your child before the dancers are released to leave the performance venue. 

7.       Volunteer or work with the studio if you wish, but don't overdo it.  If the studio allows parents to get involved (and sometimes earn tuition discounts) by working the front desk, sewing costumes, cleaning studios, or entertaining young dancers during recitals, you can absolutely take part.  Involved, supportive parents can help a student's reputation as a hard worker and dedicated dancer.  However, check in with your child before signing up.  Some kids feel smothered or as if their parents are spying on them if they hang around the studio too much.  If you agree that it's a good plan for you to volunteer, take one or two studio jobs and leave it there.  Don't ask to do everything, especially if other parents are interested.  It can be seen as being overly pushy or unfriendly, and this can damage your family's reputation.

8.       Be kind to studio staff, other parents, and people you meet at dance events.  You don't have to be close friends with everyone, but never make comments insinuating that you dislike or think you're better than another person.  Take pride in your child's accomplishments, and always report them in a factual way when they are appropriate to the conversation.  Never brag or tear down another dancer or parent.  Thoughtful, kind parents help kids learn to also be thoughtful and kind.  If you have a legitimate issue regarding fairness, morals, or safety, calmly speak to a studio director in private.  Do not discuss the issue at length with other parents (this could turn into gossiping or ganging up), and do not approach the subject in a manner that puts other parties on the defensive.