Help! My daughter doesn't like her ballet dress code!

If your child is young, she probably loves dressing up in costumes and pretending to be a beautiful ballerina.  If she has seen ballet-related movies and videos (everything from Barbie cartoons to recordings of live performances), she has certainly seen female dancers in glittery dresses and sparkling tutus. Ballet's association with pretty outfits is a huge draw for children.  Sometimes girls ask for ballet lessons just because they like the idea of wearing a fancy tutu. 

This can sometimes become a problem when children find out that they will have to wear a simple, subdued uniform to class.  Pre-schoolers who want to wear beautiful dresses can become disappointed when they are forced into simple white leotards and pink tights.  If your daughter is having a difficult time with her school's dress code, here are some tips to help her understand the situation and make the best of it.

1.       Let her know that you understand her frustration.  Pretty outfits are awesome.  Boring outfits are disappointing.  However, her uniform doesn't have to be boring.  White leotards are the same color as Odette's tutu in Swan Lake.  Pink leotards resemble the Sugar Plum Fairy and Clara in The Nutcracker and Aroura in Sleeping Beauty.  Pale blue leotards are the same color as Cinderella's dress.  Try to associate her uniform with a fantasy character she likes.  Avoid telling her that she "may get to wear a pretty outfit at the recital later."  This may or may not be true, and it can leave her with anxiety and more frustration at having to wait.

2.       If the dress code allows, help your daughter fix her hair with some pretty accessories.  It is usually not required for bows and bun covers to match the uniform.  Sometimes a fancy Cinderella bow can make a child happy enough to let go of the fact that she does not get to wear a Cinderella tutu.

3.       If your daughter is mature enough to grasp some abstract concepts, try explaining the idea of the "imaginary tutu."  Professional dancers who are rehearsing for performances dance while pretending they are wearing their performance costumes.  This helps them use exact technique (sometimes arms must be placed differently to accommodate the space taken up by a tutu) and get in character.  Your daughter can pretend she is wearing a fancy tutu while in class.  This will only help her technique, emotion, and musicality.  You can encourage her to describe or draw a picture of her imaginary costume, which will only make the exercise more educational.

4.       Show her a picture of pre-professional students in class (or have her watch a portion of older students' class at her ballet school).   They often have to wear uniforms too.  Encourage your daughter to "be like the big girls" and follow the dress code.

5.       If she has ballet costumes at home, avoid taking them to the studio.  They can be tempting and distracting during class.  Even if she only wears it in the car on the way to and from class, other students may see the costume and the whole situation may become disruptive.  DO encourage your daughter to put on her fancy costumes at home and have her show you things she learned in class.  These little "performances" will help her learn to do the same movements in different outfits (something older students sometimes struggle with) and understand that these outfits are appropriate for different occasions.